I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
