wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
