What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
