the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
