Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
