1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
