It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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