It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk is a universal language darling
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