I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
