that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
