"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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