I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
