I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
