what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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