I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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