don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
