I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
