I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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