I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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