Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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