did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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