I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
