A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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