he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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