What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
