Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
