glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
