so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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