Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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