I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
