Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
