I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
