Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
