I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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