I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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