Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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