so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
