The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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