I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
