i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
