I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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