Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
