so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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