So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
