omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
