I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
