I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
