Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
