Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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