i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
